Writing Lesson
Apparently the Associated Press also subscribes the German philosophy of sentence structure:
"Relatives of a groom shot by police hours before he was to have been married prepared instead for his funeral, set for Friday night at the church where the wedding was supposed to happen." (Full story here.)
Heaven forbid you should write two clear, simple sentences when one confusing, muddled sentence would suffice.
posted by Maureen at 7:50 PM
2 Comments:
A related AP story, newer has this sentence:
"Meanwhile, Bell's family prepared for his funeral Friday evening at the church where he was to have been married hours after the shooting."
How's that one strike you?
8:07 PM
Much better, but there's still one too many prepositional phrases. "Meanwhile, Bell's family prepared for his funeral Friday evening at the church where he was to have been married" is equally clear. But, then again, it's not clear if the funeral is on Friday evening, or if they're preparing on Friday evening for a funeral at an unspecified time. Bad, bad writing.
8:27 PM
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